I'M HERE

Searching for a tree with a perfect branch to tie a rope on, hating that i'm here.
Staying asleep until one  A.M, dreading that i'm here.
Listening to something as beautiful as Bon Iver in air and loving that i'm here.
But hating that i'm not there or that i'm not him.
Laying on the couch not being able to move, hoping i'm still here
praying i'm still here wanting to be here.
so I came back to reality,
And then the pain in their eyes....
TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE.
and i'm still here.

But that's okay because after I walked away from the perfect tree and threw the rope down the underground canal I noticed the universe in it's magnificence. The way the clouds formed a perfect arc around me and the sun set in imposing colors below that. Then the birds flew out of the brush and I swore there were a thousand of them and it seemed as if was breathing air that when swallowed gave me the strength I needed. And It's okay that i'm still here because after I woke up at one in the afternoon I was able to make it till the next afternoon. But a life is not just to be lived . It's not just to be tolerated. It is to be created. So it's okay I'm here because after I listened and yearned for the music to come out of my hand and mouth like It does out of Justin Vernon, I created my own music. And I created my own life. I noticed the beauty in simplicity. I turned down the voices in my head and I proceeded to enjoy the greatness of reality. Reality that at times I let slip away from my grasp because the pain was too great. So I'M HERE and it's okay. It's more then okay.