I Remember

You took me out to the woods because the other kids wouldn't play with me and I didn't understand the jokes they would laugh at. I didn't understand why they wanted to play with plastic objects that were seemingly meaningless. We went to the woods because I didn't have enough toys and the girls always had better horses then mine. "One day I will ride a real horse and then you will see how pointless our preschool years have been and my horse will love me. Your plastic horses will never love you."

And we left. It seemed like years went by in those trees by my house. We would talk and stare at the water and I would find myself at the top of a tree. But I wouldn't pretend I was anything more then what I was. I was not a pirate or a king. I was happy with myself. What was I? What are you? You taught me about the goodness in people. You were always so much smarter than me because you knew about this thing called love. You explained to me how wonderful and how infinite it was. You told me about service. People only want to help. That's how you said it. You told me about something called pornography and that people didn't ever get into bad things like that. And we knew the secrets of life. We knew that joy could not be found in plastic things and there was no joy in laughing at jokes you didn't understand. The only thing we did with the other children was play on the swing set only because we loved the wind on our faces. We loved to draw about love, happiness, chastity, service. All the fantastic things that we would discuss. You and me; we were so alike. And even though we were so different from the rest of the world, I never wanted this to end.    

It's been almost 14 years sense those days in the woods. And only now have I remember the treasure we found together every time we played int he trees. I'm so sorry I let escape from my memory the very thing we vowed to never forget. We gawked at its magnificence wondering if we should take it home or not. We didn't. It would be ours forever and no one would ever know about it. We hid it from the rest of the world. No one could understand. Especially not the grown ups. Little did I know everyone has discovered the treasure. Only later will I find out that it was you who showed them. Who will show them. You didn't keep our promise. 

I will never forget the day I wen't back to the place we hid it. I didn't invite you because It was the day I decided you were fake. Or at least what you stood for did not exist. I decided this because I saw you on the news. You were two buildings. Bad men hit you with a plane and then you got shot five times in the chest, because of someones thirst for blood. You died in a car accident but right before you died you got raped. People made fun of you because they thought you were gay. And the whole time you were going through this, you were addicted to pornography. The very thing you told me good people didn't do. At least I thought you were good. I also saw on the news that your parents got a divorce because one of them cheated on the other. WHAT HAPPENED TO INFINITE LOVE. People are supposed to be good. Why did you lie to me? You knew what you were saying wasn't true. You were my only friend in the woods and now we can't be friends anymore because your whole personality was fabricated. I went to the woods alone and I couldn't find the treasure. So I forgot about you and everything you taught me. 

The next day I played with the plastic horses. I laughed at all the jokes made by the children and after a while I started to believe they were funny. I never climbed a tree again. When I used my crayons it was to draw my toys. Not Love, or Joy. I loved that people started to notice me. You did not exist for many years. 

 Until I decided to go back to our trees. 

I watched a boy and his dad catch fish, beyond that I noticed something shimmering in the bush and I remembered the treasure. 

You were the good in the world. 

And I was innocence.