Intruding.

Just lately
I've been trying to find meaning in this flurry of meaningless commotion.
Because sometimes I feel like I walk down the hall surrounded by a swirling vortex of myself and there's something bigger than all of us that keeps me inside.
But,
NO MATTER WHERE I GO OR WHAT I DO I FEEL LIKE AN INTRUDER
on my own life. An intruder that at any moment could be shot down by my superficial self.

The superficial me that makes stupid jokes (that I don't even think are funny) just to see someone else laugh and show emotion.

The superficial me that runs through fields listening to epic film scores just to pretend there's something interesting in my life to feel emotional about.

The superficial me that gossips and talks down on someone or something just to get a rise out of people, because any emotion is better than no emotion. Am I right?

Maybe I'm right, because I know a lot of people that say and do things they don't approve of.

And sometimes I walk down the hall and hear phrases like,
omg like I can't believe you kissed him like,
i can't believe she wore that like,
i can't believe we did that
like...

SHUT THE HELL UP LIKE, I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS LIKE, WHY IS EVERYONE SO FAKE like...

when are we going to learn that
We kiss because we love, We wear what we want, We do what we have too.
Because right now all I can see is that we kiss because we're horny, we dress to impress, and we do what our parents say.

When are we going to learn that it's not about what we think it's about.
I'm starting to feel like I was wrong. Maybe it's not how many people like me but how many people I like.
It's probably about that uncomfortable walk down the hall with the happy kid I tried to ignore.
Or my mom giggling at my dirty joke and then trying to deny it.
or maybe it's about the fact that most of us swear on our blogs more than we do in real life even though we're probably all part of the same religious denomination
maybe it's about the misunderstood kids on probation.
or the kids in third world nations.
maybe it's about the moon.
OR MAYBE IT'S NOT ABOUT ANYTHING.